Lil,
If you look around and download the individual pieces you want and make your own mix and match UI. My main is an Enchanter and with just a few mod's I made a perfect for myself.
Really most of the things you said you wanted you could do with no problem:
1. Just find smaller windows so you have plenty of room.
2. There is a really good set of timers I use, they are made by Arista, here's a link to her site where you can customize the timers yourself by just entering what you want and it will spit out a custom timer for you.
http://www.horizonsoutpost.com/eq/timer.asp
3. Lots of good Hotkey mods on this site.
4. I don't use the actions window anymore, I just take my chat macro's and put them n my hotkey bank. Saves space, and you have your spell bar to cast spells with.
5. You can easily mod any chat window in game by opening the chat window menu (right clicking on it) and set the chat channels and filters. I use 3 seperate chat window, 1 for battle info, 1 for all chat, 1 for guild chat
6. Look for a horizontal pet window, more on this later
The base UI that I use is T.Kings Celtic which I find is an awsome UI and has almost everything I need. I than add the mods I want by just unzipping in my modded UI file and overwriting what's there as needed. The Celtic UI can be found under Featured/T.King and look through the rest of the individual window mods in the downloads section and I gaurntee you'll find what you are looking for. Have fun!
If anyone is interested I could zip up the UI I have put together and mail it to you. Or, I suppose if there is enough interest I could post it here.